From Apr. 20, 2013- Ghost in the Ruins

Song by Savatage.
I guess I can say, that at times, I feel like a ghost in the ruins. Just drifting on, not quite sure where I’m going but knowing where I’ve been. I kinda like it. I mean, with all that’s been going on the past few weeks, I’m just at the point where I don’t know anymore. In a way, I don’t even care. It’s as if I’ve become numb to the pain, sadness and loneliness, and I’ve come to accept that whatever is will be and there’s nothing I can do to change that. Now, that could easily make anyone feel helpless, and vulnerable, leaving you to be susceptible to weakness.

Yet, for me, it doesn’t. I can almost feel stronger from these storms of life. It’s possible, that, given every other bad circumstance in my life, growing up, I’ve become used to dealing with it, and knowing how to feel; recognizing the pain. Yet, no matter how many times you go through those types of situations, no matter how well you’ve become a friend to the pain, sadness and loneliness…it still hurts you when it hits, even if expected.

The good news though, as I said before…it makes you stronger. You learn to rise up from the ruins. Not feel like a lost ghost who’s just existing, but not living…seeing, but not believing.

“Got to hang on, want to belong, knows what to do….ghost in the ruins…”

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