From Dec. 22, 2013- Your Reality

“The world you create for yourself has to be your own creation.” A quote from my beloved friend. He has been speaking to me recently about the concept of changing your own reality, because you are the one in charge of it. Nothing is impossible. And, if you really see it happening and believe it and trust in it with all of your heart, mind and soul, it will surely become a reality. For certain things, I can truly grasp this philosophy. Things like acing every test you take in a semester, or getting that job that’s most important to you, or even acquiring enough money to go on a grand trip you’ve always envisioned. Things like convincing someone of your happiness, honesty and other feelings with something that they’ve always been adamantly against, seems impossible. For me, liking older guys is the issue. Has been the main issue in my life for quite some time now. My parents are dead set against it. I went through an unimaginable hell last semester and almost lost my parents and my family because they were going to disown me if I chose to live with the older man I loved at the time. And now, I’m being told that it is possible to be in that type of relationship openly while having my family. Hmm. Yep, still seems solidly an¬†improbability.

You can’t always change people. I guess I learned that the hard way when trying to convince my parents in the first place that there was absolutely nothing morally wrong with me liking/dating older guys. It never worked. To me, there’s just some people who have their views and their ways and sadly will never change. I was trying to make my reality theirs. Sadly, they collided harshly. Yet, in the present moment, I am being told that you can change people. Or, at least change their beliefs. I don’t know, honestly. I really don’t. This is hard for me. I (clearly) keep going back and forth on the issue… here’s another way that I couldbelieve in the concept…

You can change people? Even without realizing it? Back in May, right in the beginning of my Summer break, I began to journal…my very first entry in a journal I recently bought at the time was about Dave…and how I wished things were different between us. Then as I continued on in the journal, I kept writing entries that were similar. Turned out, everything I wrote about, that I wished would happen, actually did happen…it was as if I made a prediction, and it all came true at the times I wrote they would. Funny thing is, it was just wishful thinking at the time while still being filled with doubt. I had just recently shared these entries with him, and he found them intriguing. That was something I wrote about…how I’d like to share what I wrote to him, and I did. Beautiful.

So there’s proof on both sides of the fence on creating your own reality. I’m still getting into this one, not completely ready to pick a side, but I’m just enjoying the ride, experimenting and seeing where the winds of fate take me. No stress. No pressure. I’m not trying to force anything in either direction. I’m taking things as they are at the moment, like the situation with my parents, (we have been on really good terms lately, but they don’t know that I’m speaking so intensively with Dave or delving into any of this stuff) and the situation with Dave, (us just talking as and when we can to keep our connection strong and to share everything meaningful to keep building each other up). It’s a complicated process, but as it develops, I will learn, he will learn, and in the end, maybe, just maybe we could end up together. And even if not us together, maybe just maybe, my parents could break down some walls they’ve been building up for many years now.

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