For many years now, I have gained a lot of knowledge about the energy that humans posses. I’m not talking about energy we use to complete everyday tasks, rather, the metaphysical, sacred energy that we all harbor in our souls. The energy that’s constantly being invisibly exchanged between us humans and that’s even being put into the universe through our wishes and desires. I’ve had a lot of practice with it, both within myself, others and Dave. Well, Dave is the primary teacher/giver of this type of energy to me. He’s the one that brought it out of me so many years ago and worked with me to bring it more alive! Since then, I’ve been able to feel it stronger, use it and even share it with others through the practice of Reiki. All of which have benefited my life significantly.
With all of my trials and long sessions of self-examination, I am slowly coming to believe that karma does exist with this energy. To me, karma was a fable, something made up to either scare or teach us, (What goes around, comes around). Some imaginary force that we could blame or rely on when certain events occurred. As of late, I’m coming to actually believe in it a little deeper. Binding with Buddhism, this personal belief is that the good you do indeed creates an influence in the system and that good is returned back to you in some way. The same for bad actions.
I am learning compassion. Everyday. Within myself. My boyfriend. My parents. I’m learning to share it freely, without anger or restriction or motivation attached. I can sense the change inside of me…a shift has been made so I can act on love, not anger. Slowly, I’m beginning to see the benefits of this. With my parents, my mom is generally in a more pleasant state than she used to be, Dave is learning more about himself and how to overcome boundaries- my anger/selfishness not being one of them, and newly, a friend, returned. A friend whom I felt wanted nothing to do with me because of my old habits of lying and damaging the relationship due to not taking responsibility of my actions. Seemingly randomly, she got in touch with me today, wanting to hang out again. My immediate reaction was to pull back, avoid her at all costs due to the past. Then I looked at the situation with compassion. I thought, “Hmm, this could be a good opportunity to mend what’s been broken in the past.” If it works, it works. If not, then not. For now, she wants to bike with me. A small act. My plan is to take our reconnecting one step at a time to feel out the situation in hopes that there are bigger outcomes.
My theory is this: I am rearranging my life. The good, the bad, the past, present and future. I’m no longer seeing despair, I’m taking responsibility for my actions instead of causing a fight due to my selfish reactions of “well that wasn’t MY fault! It was YOURS…YOU have a problem, not ME.” I’m looking to the past and taking responsibility for what I’ve done. I’m using compassion actively everyday in little ways with my parents and family members…creating a more loving space with patience and understanding. I’m helping my boyfriend, who’s helping me mend himself in the present from wounds of the past. All of this, I feel is affecting the future. The new energy is going out of me and into the universe, or some unseen dimension and is attracting new and good things in my life. The right things, at the right time. I’ve heard that referred to as the “law of attraction”. Whatever it’s called, it’s working.
As with my friend…she is someone I care about, someone that even though is a little unstable, I still wish to remain in contact with. After our last blow up/break up, I lost faith completely of us ever returning…and was happy about it. Yet, lately, with my new outlook, I’m believing somewhere deep down she’s to know the new me, thus why she got in touch with me. And this occurred at the same time when I was thinking of her and missing her. She still may have rage, sadness and hopelessness towards my actions of the past and past years even, but I can now see those situations in a new light. I can see her in a new light and attempt to mend what I’ve done. I’m determined to show her the new me, in hopes we can have a better relationship…one we’ve never had. It’s true, you can’t change people, but you can influence them to have a new perspective. That’s exactly what happened to me, and I’m just looking to pass that forward. Share the light.
I’m holding onto and giving out my energy in a positive way. I’m determined to let the new me take hold and not give in to old, damaging temptations. I’m moving on from the past to create a new and beautiful future filled with many opportunities while influencing others. Through diligence, meditation and positive thinking, I now hold my own future in my hands and know that I can control. Energy is my guide. Love is my inspiration. Nothing can bring me down, anymore.