Creating Healthy Boundaries

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“When confrontation arises, we face it without aggression. When someone opposes us, we do not give in to anger. We view no one as a competitor because we do not seek our own way.

We know our strengths and we know our weaknesses. We use them each for benefit. We are not trying to fix ourselves or others so we move naturally and easily along our path.” –Tao Te Ching (translation of verse 68)*

Sometimes, you just gotta walk away. Take a deep breath, and take some steps back. Are you dealing with someone that you still want in your life but your relationship isn’t quite meshing? Have you been trying to convince them of a point of view, an attitude, a new way of being, a belief? There are times when no matter how many words you say, conversations (or arguments) you have, a person will not change their view. And that’s okay! Instead of getting stuck with spinning tires, lay off the gas, and turn the motor off! Breathe. I’ve been learning and practicing this essential trick for the past few months with my family.

Here’s a secret to letting go: realize it’s not the person that you are walking away from- it’s their behavior. I struggled with that concept for a long time until Dave led me to a personal epiphany. So many times people are quick to judge. Quick to doom a situation. Quick to give up and think that they have to get rid of the person that they are in conflict with. Yep, that’s where I was! In my mind, I was never going to have my family back, because they will never change, and the only solution to heal the pain then was to detach completely. And that felt pretty crappy. I still yearned to talk to my family and remain in close connection.

I had to give up what was in my way since they weren’t willing to give up what’s in their way.

It didn’t take me long to drop all my “nevers”. Why worry about some invisible future that may or may not happen? I held onto my mindset of being in the now. Right now. No other moment. Not in the past or the future. Eckhart Tolle sums it up quite well- “What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am. ‘Who am I, then?’ The one who sees that.”

Sometimes it’s crazy hard to let go, and just be in the present moment. Therefore, it’s even more difficult to create those healthy boundaries! Typically, you remain trapped on the hamster wheel, spinning faster, and faster, (coming up with more and more arguments as to why “you’re right”) and eventually, your legs run out of stamina and you’re flung off and splattered against a wall- defeated.

If you’re truly dealing with someone you authentically care about, show them! The greatest gift you could give them is a boundary! With a boundary, you can still communicate. In my case, the boundary was not physically seeing my parents because they refuse to acknowledge Dave. That hurts both of us. Yet, I created the possibility of still being as close, and loving as I can to them. I call my mom often, and we chat for hours! We haven’t exchanged gifts in about 3 years…last year was the first! I could speak with my dad more easily, too. What it boils down to, is that I can just be myself.

After all, when you’re just yourself, your completely honest self who’s not trying to resist, not trying to change, or feed into drama or create it, who could hurt you?

Beauty reigns in simplicity. It all starts with a conversation. Talk to the person you care about that you feel you have to create a boundary with. Stand firm in your belief. If the other person becomes angry, or sad, remember to not take it personally. They have a right to their feelings, too! It’s also healthy to let them express everything they need to. There will come a point in the conversation when those options are exhausted. There will be an energy shift where you feel a mutual understanding being reached. This is a good place to end the conversation peacefully. Express your care, and love for that person, and hopefully they will return it back. After this, all following conversations should be easy.

How can these boundaries be overcome if one person isn’t willing to budge, yet continues to be civil and close, but distantly?

I’ve come to believe, with Dave’s insight, that if the person in opposition truly cares, and feels that they want to reestablish a connection, or mend some aspects of the relationship- they will. They will be the one to come to you to mend some broken fences. (I have yet to experience that, fully.) But! I am happy to say that that has happened with an Aunt of mine. Dave and I are becoming closer with her, and the feeling is amazing!

Pro Tip: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT ever blame the person that you’re upset with. When you blame someone, you make them wrong. In situations like these, no one is right or wrong. Keep that in mind when attempting to work it out.

Hold a space in your mind, in your heart. Your boundaries won’t last forever, but in the meantime, they will be healthy!


 

*Image result for a path and a practice by william martinQuote taken from one of my favorite, most influential books- A Path and a Practice by William Martin.

 

 

 

Continuum of Moments

 

puzzleHave you ever felt a moment in your life where it’s as if the puzzle piece you’ve been endlessly searching for has been finally found? Imagine you began putting together that puzzle at age 16. You get so far, you enjoy the progress, you get frustrated at a difficult section in the top right hand corner, you move to a different place, and continue. But then- you quit. You abandon the puzzle. Leave it to get dusty in a darkened room. And about 10 years later, you rediscover that puzzle, and wipe the dust away. You forget all the previous frustration with it, and just like magic, as if it were pre-planned, you find that piece, or a few that you couldn’t before. Immense satisfaction flows through you as you hear and feel that ‘click’ of the interlocking pieces. It was that disconnect that helped you reconnect.

That’s where I’m at now.

I feel like my universe has shifted. Physically moved in place as I had a realization about something particular in my life. Space and time sped up and slowed down. Spun around me, yet I felt grounded. The energy around me transformed into something I hadn’t felt before- a definite confirmation of my thoughts. Dave’s thoughts. He was the one I was talking to when it happened. He helped me have a breakthrough in communication with my mom. When he spoke the words that resonated with me, I gazed into his crystal eyes and felt my world disappear and be created, die and be reborn- all at the same time. And in that moment of the great shift, I had a couple of other realizations.

One was that I can now perceive and believe that we are all here, born into our own particular soul groups in order to help each other achieve something so that we don’t have to repeat the same in another life. Once we accomplish what hasn’t ever been accomplished before, we can be complete. There’s no reason to repeat it. And, in the next life when you see those same souls again, maybe in a different body, they will be different- their attitudes, beliefs, actions. There can be a bigger and better unity shared. A greater Love. Although there might be some other tasks to complete along the way, they will be easier to navigate.

The other epiphany that struck me is that perhaps God, or the Universe itself predestines certain things in life…creates situations, lessons, and tasks, that have to be completed in a certain way at a specific point in your life so that in the future they can come together as they were meant to be. This is a hard concept to explain! To help me understand this, it came to me that…

There is no time.

Time does not truly exist, as it was created by humankind. When you take away time, you are taking away the past, the future, and you are only left with now. I could question so many things in my life, asking, “why couldn’t that have happened years ago?? I’ve suffered for so much time, for so many years…” I could also then slip down into the rabbit hole of “what if’s”. Saying, “Well, if this happened ______, then I’d be doing this/having this kind of relationship/that kind of life/etc. now.

Such a crazy concept! How many of us live our entire lives in the “what if’s”, in the past, and in the future? How many of us spend tons of time thinking about how things could have been when they don’t go the way we planned?

So, returning to my experience I just had…I can look at it like this: time has no beginning or ending, it just continues on…like life. What happened years ago, really wasn’t years ago, and it just…happened when it did, and what is happening now, connects to that, but really wasn’t that long ago in the span of eternity. Everything is connected. There was no space in between when happened then, and now. It may have appeared there was. But, when you take the limitation of an average human life out of the picture, and view the vastly larger picture of life, the universe, and everything in it, it’s such a tiny little fragment. Just a sliver of the enormous, never ending pie called life!

Also, it happened to be that it was a small piece of yesterday’s conversation with my mom that prompted me to tell Dave, which then gave him the insights to share with me this morning, which of course, created this surreal experience now. So, it could be thought that it was already created for my mom to say what she said at that particular time, so that in moments after, this conversation would take place; I was meant to feel this now. And now connects to what I perceive as the past. It is just a continuation of that earlier time…with not that much time in between.

So when I felt my energy dramatically shift all around me, I felt it connect to my mom instantly. Originally, I wanted to visualize a shaft of light, or a beam literally travelling 30 miles to her, taking that 30 or so minutes to reach her. But I stopped, and just was. In my just being, my mom was as close to me as if she were sitting right next to me. Her energy was instantly shifted with mine, too. She may not have felt it. She might not feel it for some time. As we all are constantly evolving our own energies and affecting others with it, consciously or not, but not necessarily feeling it all the time. There has to be a conscious, or sometimes subconscious opening in the mind in order to receive. In that moment talking with Dave, I was open. With him, I was engaged, both physically and emotionally, so I was consciously open. Subconsciously is where I felt the initial shift, then, bam! It exploded through to my conscious. In that moment, I stopped, stared, and just felt. The feeling, the energy engulfed me. There was no way to ignore it. The impulse to write about it shot through me soon after.

To sum it all up- now is eternity. Now is the past, present, future combined. Time is an illusion. Energy, time and space can be manipulated with intention. We all have the ability to create our life with our thoughts. Although, it’s wise to be careful to not let your thoughts take over your life. Work with the already existing energy that swirls all around you, constantly, in every moment. We are our thoughts, our energy. Energy and Spirit are one.

“Quantum physics leads us to answers to the great taboos. We create the world around us. God is every living soul.” -Epica (Design Your Universe)

We are all living in a connected Universe.

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Perfect Stranger of Yourself

Can you imagine looking at your current self as a complete stranger? Can you imagine completely dissolving the haunting, disillusioning power that your mind has on you? And, can you imagine tasting freedom, not for only one second, but for one lifetime- the flavor lingering on your tongue for as long as you desired?

These were things I could never imagine just a few years ago. I was stuck, trapped, a slave to endless shortcomings that were driving me insane- but insanity never tasted so good…back then. Insanity quickly melted into seething sadness and endless anxiety. Day after day wondering why I was doing what I was doing, wondering why I was with the people I was with, wondering why those close to me were creating the deepest pain, and wondering…was life worth it?

Breaking apart the mind to separate despair from delight is no easy feat. You can spend your whole life bending, pushing, pulling, only to find your fingers slip, your body fall. It took me years to break my mind apart, and I can admit that the sadness still finds its way in amongst the bliss I encounter pretty much daily at this point.

So, what happened?

I gave up the fight and fought at the same time. I relinquished the despair that had its grip on my mind. I gave up those that were no longer serving me. I was hurting people I loved. I was becoming distant to those that wanted to be close. As difficult as it seemed at the time, I just made the decision to let it all go.

So, how did I let it all go? (Like that’s ever easy!)

I stopped giving my brain the power to rule over me. It was all an illusion. I took responsibility for the hurt and harm I willingly and sometimes unknowingly gave to others. Then, I shook the past from my back and decided that it no longer could survive in the present. It would only suffocate the present, and therefore the future. The past can never complete you. It certainly can never come back, and it can undoubtedly never help you be free.

Whether it’s an act that you find as some immense transgression, words that you spilled that stained another, or simply, a loss of a loved one who had your heart, it’s all destined to be overcome. Don’t be weighed down by those events. As they are in the past. There’s a peculiar lightness in the now. Right now. You are free, right now. You’re not suffering. You only tell yourself you are. There is more to life. Pay attention. Now.

Even in the present- the recent past, I’ve had to let go of my mind’s trappings as they were inhibiting me from accomplishing goals. Not only that, they were affecting my overall attitude toward life, my mood, my boyfriend, and his mood. My loss of motivation, sadness, anxiety toward the future are tools my mind uses because of the past. I remember events from then and link them to the present, because the past is all the mind knows and knows what to draw from. We’re constantly making comparisons. But again, it’s the PAST. It’s gone. We have nothing but now.

The results?

For me personally, I look down and see my skin, I feel it. I know it’s the same skin I’ve had for 24 1/2 years. And my face, yep, those same features. They were always there. At one time I wanted to both crawl out of my skin and was ashamed to look in the mirror because of the things I did. I felt ugly. Horrendously, hideously ugly at who I became. But now, I feel like I’ve been reborn. Completely. That old me is the stranger to myself. This renaissance has given me new light. I feel more alive, lighter, filled with endless possibilities. I know I feel different, but I sense that others see me differently, too. I now can show up differently for my family and friends that only knew the old me. This might be a shock to them; they might want to deny everything and attempt to hang on to their perceptions of me as I was when I was closer to them. But all that matters in the end is that I am me. No reservations. I have nothing to hide. Nothing to be ashamed of. I have and can take responsibility for all that I’ve done. Integrity means the world to me now. I’m not just doing myself a favor. This is for everyone. My boyfriend. My parents. Family. Friends. The world.

Anything is possible.

Are you ready to take hold of your possibilities?

 

Help Through Hypnotherapy

Slowly subdued and slid down a tranquil trail, I ventured on a journey into my subconscious- that rather mysterious, sleepily overlooked vein of memories and impulses that continuously thrives off of past emotions and experiences. We all know it’s there, but how often do we really want to creep into it, let a crack of light in to expose it, to step through a doorway into ourselves? Most would rather slam the door shut,  hammer heavy nails into thick wood across the threshold. Why go where cozy present life, thoughts, feelings and emotions would be…threatened? Humans typically detest the idea of drastic change, yet somewhere we secretly seek it. We seek it in the deepest REM sleep when our eyelids rattle, and when we are motionless in meditation chanting an endless Om. Waking hours with our brains buzzing a million times per second, halt the seeking of the subconscious and change. Even so, there’s still a way to get there- anytime.

I sunk into an oversized chair which was draped with a coarse fibered, colorful blanket. Closed my eyes. Listened. Delicately, safely becoming hypnotized. Yes, hypnotism was the golden archway to my subconscious smack in the middle of a hot and hazy spring day. Physically, I was enclosed in four walls of love, with soft music floating through the background, a gentle bubbling fountain in the back corner of the room, soft lights surrounding me, illuminating my skin. And her. A beautiful blonde-haired, bright blue-eyed woman who guided me- guided me from guarded reality into subconscious lucidity.

I was on a bench, near a placid pond with green fish. I sat for a bit, listened, received guidance and reassurance then chose a path to walk down. There, I was met with questions- questions I’ve heard before, but never completely answered. Here, in this disconnected yet completely connected state of mind, answers were revealed immediately. They just…came to me as if the universe reached a starry hand down and popped them inside my head. I answered with a low, calm voice that didn’t sound like my own. I was pleased with this and found it tremendously helpful. Throughout the session, more questions were asked, and with some, I almost felt the conscious mind try to stick a foot in the door, but I wouldn’t allow that. Instead, I kept my deep breaths steady and held my peaceful position. I was yearning to finally find a way to break through a wall of mine that I’ve been behind for so terribly long. These questions were the key. My answers, the unlocking of the truth. About halfway through, I hit an epiphany point where my answer to an emotionally difficult question was answered so easily, I wanted to be afraid, throw up the barricade, but…I couldn’t be afraid. Really, it just felt, too easy! Yet, at the same time, it felt perfect. I knew at that moment what I had to do and how. The blockage in my mind was released. It was now up to me to physically, and consciously play it all out. I felt ready.

I returned to the bench, sat, and saw my grandmother. She spoke to me and said that she loved me and was happy with what I was doing with my life. A feeling of deeper serenity washed over me. Then, as she walked away, I prepared myself for the next step in the releasing process. I saw a fire pit where I was to throw my concerns, blockages, resentments, fears. Walking over, I placed them into a bag and with great intention tossed them into the fire. A tremendous plume of black smoke billowed from the pit, higher and higher up it went until it faded to light gray, then finally blended into the great blue. It took a while for it all to go, and once it did, I felt another release, a break in that wall.

That was only my first half of this magical ride. In the beginning I was unaware I would travel down another path, but in the middle, I consented to trying it. What I tried was called a “past life regression”. It’s where you go back to see who you were in another life, when your soul inhabited another’s. This concept was one that I wasn’t initially keen on; my mind couldn’t grasp that you, or the essence of you, your soul, could actually live inside someone else in a different time and place. If that were the case, then that would mean your soul never fully passed on, but would remained trapped in a sense, here on Earth. I believe that you go beyond Earth, beyond a physical body and into a different realm. I’m not sure what that realm is, but I’m sure it’s somewhere safe and happy. Anyway, I’m still, after the experience I had, skeptical about the concept. I’m still happy that I tried it, nonetheless. Here’s what happened:

After choosing a path, I walked through a giant, black, wrought-iron gate and became someone else. I was elderly, probably in my eighties, round with pudgy little fingers that liked to bake. The sweet scent of fresh bread wafted through the tiny country kitchen. A basket of yarn rested on the end of a plush, fabric couch in a vibrant, tranquil sunroom. An unfinished blanket lay across the couch. I wore a floor-length blue, floral print dress that swayed around my ankles when I walked. Apparently, I didn’t have any family or close friends left. In my younger days, I loved to be in the garden, planting vivid yellow flowers along a small road where passerby’s shared copious complements. I died naturally, laying in a bed with a younger lady looking down on me, smiling. She had blue eyes, waist length straight brown hair and a shining smile. (My future self, perhaps?) Then, I left. Walked back through the gate and returned to the pond. There was another path, another past life I could have examined, yet, I felt content and complete with just seeing one for that moment. Mostly likely, I would have been overwhelmed.

The voice, which sounded distant was flowing back to me, and beckoning me to come back into the present time. She counted from five, and with every count, feeling flooded back into my senseless, heavy limbs. At one, I willed my weighted eyelids to arise. Up, up, and they were open. I felt as if I was in a different dimension and returned to Earth. After about 15 minutes, I regained full consciousness and was able to converse normally again, recounting my experience inside myself. I shared exuberantly with my guide and my boyfriend. He had had a hypnotherapy session before and found it extremely beneficial, so it was nice that he could relate to my perception shifting experience.

Now, I want to take what I have gathered, and how I feel and use it in real life. I want to be the change I wish to see and after having gone on a ride into my subconscious, that once frightening place with hidden shadows that turned into a light, I strongly feel that I can carry that out. I feel ready.

Anxious, yes. But ready, yes.

New Chapters & Transformations: By D. Cooper

DNA butterfly

A short intro before my guest blogger’s post: I find it uniquely intriguing how at the deepest core, all of us humans are all the same, yet we can experience and live such amazingly vast and varied lives with a million and one different perceptions. In the basic human experience, we all breathe, eat, live and die. We also witness other humans, with shared blood, pass on. Yet again, no two grieving humans have the same perception or express the same emotions. It fascinates me to learn of other peoples’ lives- in a deeper, more meaningful complex manner. I want to know what makes those I know function. I want to know what and who they live for, how they perceive this human experience, what their beliefs and values are and how they analyze and figure out where to go from their ever present moments. After all, we only have now. This moment. Not the next and not the one before it. We have the extraordinary ability to create the future we are living into. I thirst to know what motivates people to make the choices and decisions that they do; to know how and why they create their own distinctive future.

Everyone I meet teaches me a lesson that I was meant to know. Recently, I worked with a shining, motivated soul named Dwanna Cooper from New Mexico. When I edited her book about how to effectively read job ads, I never thought I’d develop an intricate connection with her…learn about her feelings, desires and values. I certainly never expected that she’d want to share a piece of her human experience with me. Now, I couldn’t be more blessed that she has. D. Cooper has an enormous treasure chest of insight that she is more than willing to share with others in order to help them learn, grow and transform! Here is a personal glimpse into this multi-faceted, talented, successful HR Professional’s life: Oh, by the way, she’s also been an expert ice skating instructor for over 15 years!! Pretty cool, right?


transformación personal

When I look back on my life I can most certainly pick out the beginnings and endings of new chapters in my life. There are certain events in my life that often mark new chapters such as new jobs, moving to new places, new friends, and new loves.  There are also unfortunate events that trigger endings such as death of a loved one, loss of love, or friends, or jobs.  But more often than not, I see the good that came from those changes in my life and those new chapters in my life and always grew as a person.

The funny thing about changes or new chapters though is we don’t always recognize them as they are happening.  While hind sight is clear, seeing those transitions while they are occurring is not always obvious.  And, even if we do recognize them, we’re still not prepared for the outcomes.

We all know that as children we will outlive our parents.  However, I don’t think we are ever ready when that day comes. We see the illness or the event that triggers the beginning of the end and then we watch the decline and we still hold out hope against hope that they will still pull through. And, when they don’t we are still not prepared for that ending. I recently went through that ending with my father.

My father was my rock and my biggest supporter.  He was my health guru, my confidant, my guide, my shoulder to cry on or share my frustrations with, and the first person to share my joys with. Most of all, he was my friend. He was just always there for me; there are very few people in my life that I can say that about.  So I think this is why it’s just so hard to accept that he is no longer here. So, even though I know he is gone I still take my steps forward hoping he is still with me in some way.

So, this is my new chapter.  I’m unsure of what will come next but I have in front of me a new job, a move to a new home and a different future—without him.

One of the things I am finding so far is that my friends are becoming my family.  I have always had good friends but I am relying on them more and caring about them more.  I think this is a good thing.  I’m learning how to love more and to extend that love outward. And, I think they are feeling more needed and I think everyone needs to feel that from those that they care about.

Another thing I am finding is that I’m planning my future better. I’m thinking more carefully about my next steps and taking them with my eyes on the future.  After all, I have only myself to rely on as lonely as that is at times. While I have a partner in my life, I have no one to look out for me unconditionally at least not like a parent.  It’s different now and I am ultimately responsible for myself.

And, then I find that I am thinking about retirement.  While it is still about 15 years away, I am taking more cautious steps and holding on to my money more.  I’m also re-assessing the role of “things” in my life and moving out the unnecessary stuff and keeping only what is dear to me. It’s funny how we collect stuff.  Right before my father died we went through his garage to get rid of what he no longer needed or wanted.  The irony is that when he died, he couldn’t even take what was left with him. Stuff is irrelevant but yet we cling to it.

I am also thinking about alternative incomes that I can build so I have options, even when I have a job–something that I enjoy but will make me money in my spare time. It’s always good to have a backup. I think this is also because I have no parents as my backup.  Not that I asked for money or needed it from my parents but they were always my safety net.  Now, I am my own safety net.

All in all, my heart is still broken from losing my dad but I’m taking the next steps, moving on to the next chapter and most likely on to more transformation.  It sometimes saddens me to think that even at my age I’m not too old to be an orphan.  And, I’m not sure if losing both your parents has any upside but if there is I hope to find it.  I’m sure I’ll become stronger and I know my heart will heal eventually.  I’m open to what the next chapter brings.  After all, nothing is for sure except change and if we pay attention, a new chapter that leads to amazing transformation.
transformation_butterfly


Check out D. Cooper’s book about effectively deciphering job ads in order to find that perfect job you want! Easy to read, follow and put into practice!

https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Reading-Job-Ads-Know-ebook/dp/B01CF52HL2?ie=UTF8&keywords=D.%20Cooper&qid=1462494065&ref_=sr_1_2&sr=8-2

Prescribing My Own Personality

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“It’s the strangers in your life
That you’d never thought you’d meet.
It’s the hand that picked you up
When you’re laying in the street.

It’s the hand that cut you down,
It’s the dream that someone shared
When you thought that all was lost.
It’s the friend that wasn’t there.

You can run from all the memories,
But never get that far
For in the end they’ll find you
For this is who you are.

Change one note,
Change one line,
Nothing’s going to be the same.
Change one loss,
Change one cut,
Everything is rearranged…”

This is Who You Are – Trans-Siberian Orchestra


Is it perhaps Fate that determines who walks into our lives and who walks out? Does the universe conspire to bring us certain people to us at certain times? Or is it all up to us? Or are we the ones who are in control and responsible for the friendships we gather and foster?

My social life has never been a bowl of cherries. I grew up very much introverted (without ever really knowing what that meant at the time), and grew up with much awkwardness around others. Ever since kindergarten, I never could “click” with anyone. I had a few close friends, but as we got older, we parted ways. High school was an atrocity- most people were shallow and caught up in the surface, material world. Again, I had a couple close friends, but over time they just didn’t stick. They came and went like the wind. Once college rolled around, I figured, whelp, if the whole friend/social thing hasn’t worked out by now, it surely must during college! Nope. Turns out, my friend/acquaintance group substantially shrunk through the years, and I still felt awkward in groups and never really wanted to be close with anyone. Yet, some of the few close friends I had at the time weren’t right for me, actually they ended up being the most toxic.

I had to figure it all out. And, I had to feel comfortable in my own skin. Thankfully, I feel I have accomplished both! I’m writing now to explain how, through intense, introverted self-analysis, I’ve come to conclusions that have helped me break out and start thinking about my social life and values of that in a whole new light.

One of the biggest factors for me, personally, was my social interactions growing up at home. I would say that I spent about 90% of my time either alone (since I’m an only child) or around adults. My parents never sent me to a daycare or preschool. They never got me involved in sports or any other extracurricular activities when I was really young. And, I didn’t grow up in an area where there were a lot of kids my age on the street where I lived. I do have to give my mom credit for raising me the way she did, as her dedication was unfaltering. I believe she still to this day carries a sense of pride for being able to teach me a lot before I stepped foot in a school. And for that I am grateful. At the time, I didn’t mind not playing any sports or going to any sort of lesson or what have you…I actually enjoyed being home all the time. My imagination flourished. I taught myself to play the keyboard, I drew, colored, built things, played video games, pretended and created scenarios while playing with stuffed animals…the list goes on. It would have been inconceivable to have to consciously share all that with another being my age! I don’t think there was ever a time I envied my friends for having siblings. Anyway, I quickly latched onto feeling comfortable by myself and mainly having one on one interactions.

As for mainly being around adults, well, when I was little, I remember my parents always hanging out, drinking and playing adult games primarily with my aunt and uncle. There were countless occasions where I’d witness them doing their own thing, while I had to occupy myself for hours. Then, when we went out, there were countless times that I would join my parents at the local legion where they’d sit and drink for (forever!). They plopped me in a chair aside the bar and gave me a soda and a snack and there I waited. A lot of the patrons there got to know me and said hi to me every time we went in, but it wasn’t like I was at the age to just strike up a jolly conversation. I would guess I was between the ages 7 and 10 ish. Point is- minimal contact of kids my age.

Both of these ongoing incidences carried into those unmentionable high school years. When summer after summer I griped to my parents that I didn’t have anyone to hang out with, they responded saying that, “I created that myself.” They claimed this, because I would allegedly turn down friends’ requests to do things. And yes, there were times this was true. I just didn’t want to. I don’t know why. Possibly because I enjoyed and got so used to the comfort of being alone. Now, I can look back and say, yes, my parents were right. I chose not to hang out, and then felt awkward when I did. Partially, that was because I had different interests and thoughts than them. Also, because I just wasn’t used to it! Part of me wishes I could go back and choose differently, but the other part of me realized that those events, feelings needed to happen to aid in the development of things much deeper inside of me.

It was during those times where I was alone that I channeled my writing skills- journaling more and creating more poetry. This was important, as when I got to college, my passion carried, and ultimately led me to choose my major in English where I was excited and comfortable.

Now, that I’m out of college, and am physically separated  from those few close friends I made, it’s been making me think about where I’m at socially. The people that Dave and I do meet are about an hour away, and when we seem to meet someone really cool, they seem to be further away, are going to move, work a ton, or just aren’t a match. Good friends are hard to come by! So, instead of wishing for more friends, I take the experiences of positive connections as they come and learn what I can- then I realize that I am okay right where I’m at! Being an introvert, is perfect for the creative mind. The interactions I do have, since more rare, are more meaningful and inspirational. Ever since living with Dave, the people I’ve met have impacted me in an enormous way! Every one of them is influential in one way or another. I take the lessons I’ve learned and carry them, build on them, to become a better person, who is more at peace. Most of these people, these mentors and beautiful souls I meet are during holistic shows and are older than I. Therefore, their knowledge base of worldly experience is much more vast than my own. It’s nice to catch a glimpse of what my future could be- it’s reassuring to know that I can constantly develop new skills and have a fresh and pure mindset about the world around me. I know I can reach my own enlightenment this way.

Other than that, I’ve been working on calligraphy, writing more, getting back into music, reading and all the other things that I couldn’t do if either I was working all day or around a lot of other people. I’m carving out my own path without the external stimuli that might have the potential to interrupt or block my creativity. I’m diving down and dusting off hidden corners and crevices of my soul I never thought I’d find! It’s in those corners that I’m learning more about myself and heightening my potential while expanding my possibilities!

If you, too are looking to do the same, yet are in a busy environment, try to take free time in the evening, or perhaps in the morning to meditate and have alone time. It’s in those private moments that you can go down deep. Close your eyes. Ask yourself what you are desiring. Ask yourself what’s in the way for that. Then ask yourself how you can take on the challenge of overcoming what’s in the way. Be still. If the answer doesn’t come immediately, have patience. It will come. Always at the right place and right time.


 

Become totally empty,

Quiet the restlessness of the mind.

Only then will you witness everything

Unfolding from emptiness.

See all things flourish and dance

In endless variation.

And once again merge back into perfect emptiness—

Their true repose.

Their true nature.

Emerging, flourishing, dissolving back again.

This is the eternal process of return.

To know this process brings enlightenment.

To miss this process brings disaster.

 

Be still.

Stillness reveals the secrets of eternity,

Eternity embraces the all-possible,

The all-possible leans to a vision of oneness,

A vision of oneness brings about universal love,

Universal love supports the great truth of Nature.

The great truth of Nature is Tao.

Whoever knows this truth lives forever.

The body may perish, deeds may be forgotten,

But he who has Tao has all eternity.

Verse 16- Tao Te Ching

 

Flow Like Water, Sing Like Wind

“The best way to live is to be like water. For water benefits all things and goes against none of them.”

“One who lives in accordance with nature does not go against the way of things. He moves in harmony with the present moment always knowing the truth of just what to do.”

-Tao Te Ching- Verse Eight

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Go with the flow. A statement so simple and clear. One that’s given in abundance, and yet unbelievably difficult to achieve when you get swept up in the hurricane of life. You could be spinning and spinning, and resisting the entire way. In resistance, you won’t find peace. In order to catch up with yourself and your life it’s essential to let go. My recent experience with a stray cat and a scare with rabies is a prime example.

My boyfriend, Dave and I decided to take in a stray cat who we’ve been seeing on and off for a few months. He is not neutered and presumed to have been part of another human family at some point due to his affection. We got minor bites. We then chose to take him to the vet to get him checked and get him a shot for rabies. And so, we did and when at the vet, the woman that took care of “Ghost Kitty” as we’ve been calling him, recommended we go to the ER or urgent care immediately as we got bit prior to the visit. Well, we didn’t think that was appropriate because we were required to keep the cat quarantined for 10-14 days and if he were to pass away, then we’d know he’d have rabies. Two days after this visit, I got unpredictably bitten extremely hard on the leg. Naturally, fear set in and then I debated on getting the rabies vaccine again, but was tortured because I wasn’t sure it was actually necessary and I was concerned for Ghost. For three or four days I travelled this roller coaster of worry- “Am I okay?” “Will I be okay?” “What do we do now?” “Is the cat going to live?” etc. I felt physically weary and mentally worked up for these days and even lost sleep.

To make a long story short, Dave and I did decide to get the vaccine and a day before that, I decided that in order to feel better, even before the shots, I had to let go of the fear that was gripping my mind. Basically, my mind was the only thing that was torturing me. It really was a case of mind over matter. Once I shook the feelings of nervousness, all of my physical stress vanished. Even better, once Dave and I had the first round of shots, we felt totally assured that we were fine, the cat was fine, and life can move on. We chose to move on and live! There was no sense in worrying.

That being said, there’s a smaller example that I’ve been struggling with on and off and that’s with money. I don’t have a steady job right now that is bringing in income. I’m working on a freelance website for editing, but those jobs are hit and miss. I’m working with my boyfriend at his storage business, but we only get one or two days a week there, and I have an ebay store and sell stuff, but that’s also hit and miss. In order to not get “stuck” in the corporate world of, “work your ass off every day just to get by”, I’m not running out and applying for any job that will get me that quick buck. Now, if I were living at home, I’ll admit I’d most likely be doing that…I must consider myself considerably lucky to be living with Dave and having him help me out every step of the way. Anyway, again, I realized I can’t keep freaking out that I haven’t as much money as I’d like. That’s totally in my control and it’s up to me to make that happen if I want it to. Along with no one doing that for me, I know that if I constantly worry, I will get nowhere either. Going with the flow and dealing with what is currently in front of me is all I can do.

Life is in constant motion; you and I are in the flow daily. Within that larger flow, we are in our own personal flow that we constantly create. Today, and every day I wish to flow like water and benefit myself and those that are around me in a blissful and peaceful state. I’ll admit, I’m not an expert at this yet; I lose my patience frequently, I rant when I’m upset over a circumstance that isn’t going in my favor, and I’ll often become negative about a situation/task if I become stressed over it. Yet, I am working to eliminate all of those behaviors. Dave is being a tremendous help to me as are those I choose to have around me. Positive friends with good vibes can get me there all the way!

So, how can YOU go with the flow today? What’s on your mind that’s bothering you? Is there a situation you’re in right now ether in your personal or work life that is just slowly chugging along and you feel like you won’t make it up that hill? If so, just pause, breathe, and realize that all things come to pass. Let the worry drain away and notice that you are in control, and if you feel that you are not in control, you can release the unnecessary tension and drama to better live a life where you can flow like water and sing like the wind that blows free over mountains, oceans, plains and valleys. Find peace with whatever you’re dealing with and think positive! Tell yourself, “Nothing can bring me down!” Deal with what comes as it comes with a peaceful heart and there will be no trouble. Life is a progress— a progress of steps, accomplishments, and failures. All of which are organic. Stress and anxiety are not organic. So, let go and go with the flow!

Namaste!